WRAAF

We are the leaders. 

Thursday in Amerikkka

Judith Beheading Holofernes after Caravaggio
Composition Life Drawing with Mark E Merrill
Main Street Museum
2012

  Good Morning Amerikkka. An yes, that’s uncomfortable. Is it not? The verbiage itself “Amerikkka” is borrowed from a title of a poem by the much beloved poet August Bleed. I’ve use this nomenclature often in titles of my artworks, but it wasn’t until my friend, and social activist, Olivia Lapierre, inquired if I had ever considered the pain using such a title might inflict upon individuals—that I really even really questioned why, how and to whom such pain was being directed, as my assumption was, I believed it to be obvious. It's a tear a slight against the system. It names the thing itself to be resisted. It's a rage of contempt and irony against the machine. That is, anyways, my belief.

  Belief, of course is always a passive non-action, and why do I say this? Because I believe it is... our belief or belief systems are a hodgepodge of values, experience, privileges and lack thereof, hopes, fears, dreams, desires, and wishes—who we are, the core of being, it is the truth in which we walk.
 Belief, I believe, is always a passive non-action, and why do I say this? Lol, because I believe it is... any belief or belief system is a hodgepodge of personal values, experience, economic privilege (or lack thereof), hopes, fears and... dreams. And where are we without our dreams? What we actively incorporate into this belief system is dogma.

  The enfircable guidelines of both spoken and unspoken memes that are responsible for things like say, a Starbucks Employee calling 911 on and individual whose skin color was not there own, and a nation divided on lines of the guilty and fearful with backstepping and retroactive racial bias band-aid trainings, and the even more insidious those whose response was the absence of.

In another corner of the same dilemma there is the active compliance of this dysfunction. I just spent the past several hours in a non-conversation with support@monday Monday.com is a flashy bling-bling like visual organizational tool that may have shown-up somewhere on your Advo-sphere. And I’ve been really thinking this is exactly the thingamajig that I could really use at this particularly moment of upheaval in my life. Yet, their advertising is somewhat deceptive. Signing up for a "free account" is a bit of a stretch, don't ya think fellas? I’m not sure how many of you realize this, but I've been without a paycheck since 2008 (which exception of a short part-time 6 month stint) to immerse myself in this experiment of the Main Street Museum and that opportunity to do so is so rare. So when what I thought was advertised as a free account turned into an "expired trial account" I got really pissy fast (see current blog post). And ya, I'm being overly harsh on these guys, but it symbolizes my struggle, the larger struggle i see that stifles innovation––let's call it what it is––capitalist exclusionary dogma.

  The point is this. Our system is broken. Our lives are devalued. Our nation is divided. Our government is corrupt. Our corporations are greedy—and we are witness to it all.

By yourself you will accomplish nothing, yet you change everything. 

So to answer Olivia's question pain belongs to those individuals who cling to fear as a tool of manipulation. Pain belongs to those individuals whose fear stifles innovation. Pain belongs to those individuals who choose not to act or choose not to choose because the choice is to hard, pain belongs to all of us who do not resist, and refuse to inspire. innovate, and adapt.

Project Runway Here I Come?

Hail Mary Drop Kick Part 2

___Our Days Begin and End With Stories ––

4

Everywhere 

What is  

The purpose of life 

life's purpose is also the oportuniyt  a mystery, our owe is the oportunity

 may burecwe the purpose of lifes' purpose empty until I 

offer you the opportunity no one else would.

On May 7, 

The future, the purpose of life's mystery is purpose empty until I 

offer you the opportunity no one else would.

On May 7, 

I hope that today, we all an exceptional morning with give rise to another stage and beautiful magic. and you all there can sense a seasons rebirth as well as that special “flavor" coming into focus that will define a ‘tone’ of Season 17 (17th card of the tarot being hope, in numerology career and profession) I had not intended to write you again after my last inquiry (as I’m a bit overly concerned that my demeanor remains respectful and appropriate (as things get a little freaky towards the end. 

 

So, I understand what this means, is what this means, just as Karma means what Karma means. My role Assistant Director of The Main Street Museum––I’d challenge anyone to find a more fabulously wild community arts center anywhere in the state of Vermont, includes––yes, making Facebook updates. That’s the No job to small kinda-guy I am

Not a great enthusiast of Facebook, part of my role as

I’m that kind of ADassistanthat’s the kind of DIY organization we are. I’ll include a link to more info about what we’ve been up to for the past few years.

second selection round, and not just 

  equiring this concern,

 intention to not contact you with concerns you again,

as the last time I applied to “The Program” three years ago there was, well, towards the end a few rounds of panic that caused me to made a lot of teary eyed trash calls 

made, voicemails, e-amils, I’m sure you get the picture. 

as there were no further issues, and as every applicant knows, its sit and wait. 

 Since my last PR application 3 years ago enough life experience , as I am now a seasoned applicant and hope is no longer held in a tantrum 

seeing applicants such, as myself, know no matter how hard we kick and scream, cram your inbox by asking everyone and there sister to write in,

Mark Ezra Merrill

markezramerrill@gmail.com

(603) 508-8528

If my life is to have relevance and 




Because of the relevance of my passion I feel for this “Program” and for those who remain it’s custodians, the future is just a day dream where I am unable to remain a passive contestant, just as I am unable to remain a passive contestant. 



Be

The Main Street Museum inherits the Sprint Fashion Show in 2015 after 30 Seasons of Vermont's Home Grown Designers and Kim Souza's Tip Top Cutoure 




7 May 2016, Fashion Weekend White River Junction, VT

In 2105 I inherit ance iate herat The MSM's Spring Collective features 9 VT designers 



Towards the end of the rally speech I was g I was giving the rally speech short before we were all to seclude ourselves 



7 May 2016, Fashion Weekend White River Junction, VT for all the modes and designers and stylest 



to the for the models, stylests 




Good Morning. 

And Magical Day

I was not planning on this communication

 

2010: The dream occurred, I do know, right after I first applied to the Program on April 22  A strange and beautiful magic

I remember telling someone about it and she Kackled and threw her legs into the air, and from whatever dream analysis she was subscribing said I would “Impregnate” Heidi with my ideas.

that means you get Heidi Pregnant  

My last application to ’the Program” was April 23, 2014 and I remember it well as I should, because an assumed auto biography with an assumed title, Making Names for Myself begins just as the 

The apex arrives on April 23, when these four cosmic players will be all be stationed at exactly 13 degrees. It’s sure to be an eventful day—a breaking point of some kind. The rising energy will be impossible to ignore, and it can force us into action, ready or not. But breaking points are also turning points, and this is the hidden gift of a Grand Cross.

April, 22, 2010 was a day of strange magic and beauty 

to simple remain remain a 

If you note from my casting video and application, I certain can “Bring It” ––– “Taking it Away” not so much. 

I hope that today, we all an exceptional morning with give rise to another stage and beautiful magic. and you all there can sense a seasons rebirth as well as that special “flavor" coming into focus that will define a ‘tone’ of Season 17 (17th card of the tarot being hope, in numerology career and profession) I had not intended to write you again after my last inquiry (as I’m a bit overly concerned that my demeanor remains respectful and appropriate (as things get a little freaky towards the end. 

 

So, I understand what this means, is what this means, just as Karma means what Karma means. My role Assistant Director of The Main Street Museum––I’d challenge anyone to find a more fabulously wild community arts center anywhere in the state of Vermont, includes––yes, making Facebook updates. That’s the No job to small kinda-guy I am

Not a great enthusiast of Facebook, part of my role as

I’m that kind of ADassistanthat’s the kind of DIY organization we are. I’ll include a link to more info about what we’ve been up to for the past few years.

second selection round, and not just 

  equiring this concern,

 intention to not contact you with concerns you again,

as the last time I applied to “The Program” three years ago there was, well, towards the end a few rounds of panic that caused me to made a lot of teary eyed trash calls 

made, voicemails, e-amils, I’m sure you get the picture. 

as there were no further issues, and as every applicant knows, its sit and wait. 

 Since my last PR application 3 years ago enough life experience , as I am now a seasoned applicant and hope is no longer held in a tantrum 

seeing applicants such, as myself, know no matter how hard we kick and scream, cram your inbox by asking everyone and there sister to write in,

Mark Ezra Merrill

markezramerrill@gmail.com

(603) 508-8528

On Apr 6, 2018, at 12:51 PM, Essy Hart <ehart@bunim-murray.com> wrote:

We have all the material we need, and will get an updated ID if you move to the next round! 

Thanks so much,
E Hart

PR Casting

 

From: MEM <markezramerrill@gmail.com> 
Sent: Friday, April 06, 2018 6:32 AM
To: Essy Hart <ehart@bunim-murray.com>
Subject: Re: 215929

 

Hello Essy,  is it ok to send supplementary material to the link i was provided? My interviewer and I are planning to shoot some more video on Saturday. Also I failed to notice my license had expired this past Birthday 3.21–i have a passport scan i can send also.

 

Thanks again, 

 

MEM

Lifes ourosuw 

Over the yeas this purpose  as been the most cuccessful 

If you note from my casting video and application, I certain can “Bring It” ––– “Taking it Away” not so much. 

(603) 508-8528

d to do this

you know because, I'm not for on 

<45 mins later>

Amanda: Hi Mister Mr. Merrill

"Wow, yes 



How you know I think, that's really going to work for me, you see, because, I'm not going to think like everybody else, and 

Me: "There're all uploaded on my blog, I'll just send you a link.

in and e-mail?

 pril 10th, 2010 actually. That was when I began sewing, up until then I had never touch

a sewing machine before, ever...

So, let me make sure I've got this straight... You didn't send us work samples with your application because you did start sewing until yesterday. 

the first time I ever used a sewing machine... yesterday I finished that design n

 didn't have any that's because why? 

onstructed your first garmnet on;u yesterday is that right?

 yesterday or it wasn't finished, is that what your saying... when you sent us the application, because 

 is here as well, but there a note s

(short silence)

Let's see, there's a cope of your id, lots of sketches, an looks like a four, five... seven page additional statement written in crayon (love it) of purpose written in crayon  All we have is a statement written in crayon (love it) and sketches photo's of any of your work.

Amanda, "Hi–

eM: (Nervous Laughter) Well, that's because, Augh (more nervous laughter) that's because (Nervous Laughter) I just finshed my first design yesterday and the show was yesteday to so I had to mail the application before 5 because of the deadline but I've been working on those question for a while and been sketching for a year... and well could take any photos until after I had to mail the application...

As timid yet curious as a church mouse"H-h-hello....."

Amanda, "Hi––thank you so much for applying we just got your application and everything looks good but, everything here your application, your video and yes, your portfolio, but it seems you must have forgotten to include the other photographs of work samples, because there's I only see one....  

 and I didn't have time to make another, I guess but, I've already got an for the next one, and I'm like starting that as soon as I get home from work, and I really, really think that even though I have no experience, I mean I just sat down at a sewing machine for the first time three weeks ago, but I've been designing every night in my head and i did all these sketches and I really think that this is going to work in my favor, serious, because I don't know... (slowing down a bit to annunciate my words) you know what I mean...?

Amanda: "Ok, wow, well, yes, of course, I mean..... so you you're saying you just have that one dress and nothing else and you just started sewing three weeks ago... that's what your tell me, I just want to make sure...."

Me: "Yea, but you see, I think, that's really going to work for me, you see, because, I'm not going to think like everybody else, and I mean––really what's at the core of fashion? When you pull every thing away.... It's the "Thought" (emphasized)... so that puts us on an equal playing field––and that means I'll be solely relying on the creativity of that moment, right then and their an not my pre-conceptions–– that means I won't have any hang-ups... OMFG this would be the best thing in the world... can you imagine... just solely relying on my creativity only to problem solve each challenge, I'm that would be my angle––to have use my creativity alone with no experience, WOW, I mean it's not just an angle, because that's what I would have to do, but WOW could you imagine––this would be my once in a lifetime opportunity to rise above everything everyone knows about fashion, to make fashion from ideas that I don't even have, that's fucking innovation. I'm telling you, and I am so ready to bring it... this is the challenge of my life I've been waiting for... 

Amanda: Oh, Mark, Wow, well listen, I'm going to tell our Producers what you said, and show them what you made and someone get right back to you, Ok?"

Me: COOL! Wow, OMG, YES I mean I can really DO THIS, YES! Thank you... (welling up with tears)

Amanda, "Ok, Now I'm going to show this to the producers, but thy are really really busy, so if you don't hear back I'm going to give you my e-mail, Ok?

Me: Ok, YES! Of COURSE (Trying to conceal the fact that I'm weeping tears of joy and wonderment) WOW OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH, AMANDA, I MEAN WOW..."

Amanda, "Ok, here's my e-mail do you have a pen? 

Me: (sniffles) "Uhuh.."

Amanda: Ok, Good, it's A. M. A....."


A SHAMES SELF-PROMOTION:

I would like, if I may, to take you on many a strange journey with an insiders look into the highs and lows of this, my often scandalous, always surreal, and not at all, topsy turvy, life as a Designer. And you wont get this anywhere else folks (and if you do I need to know who from). Even better, if you subscribe FASHIONTHROPE VIP, you'll get the un-edited first thought best thought copy of this post, too... and there will be nothing I can do about it, except maybe apologize in person if I need to (and yup that's a two way street). You see, getting ones thoughts down is crucial, but so too is writing to your audience. So I write, Post, and then re-write, and you'll be aghast, I'm sure over how much effort goes into these posts, which may I hope leave you with a lasting impression of 1) how much I care about the subject I am writing about, and B) the importance of just the right touch of that special brand of slapstick humor, that, well let me put it this way, no one has approached me never, ever and said said note worth points Merrill, but you tone of righting is just a bit too caviler, and well, I'm afraid the audience you are trying to reach are just not going to take you seriously (the absolute best case scenario I pray for every day) however the reality is as much as I try, and as determined as I am, to say those things that connect me to the significance of whatever I'm rambling on about––the feedback is always the same––no can care about what your writing because they don't know what your righting about––and up until today, I hadn't really cared. But thanks to my very first VIP Subscriber who does get it, and finally after all these years, weather she knew it or note, gave me exactly what I need and had and been lacking for so long. Affirmation. Don't worry I'll be hitting you with all heavy shit I can through at you, yet Goddess, I pray may I do it with a little more... style.  

Krazy Kimono [Part 1]

“If you can't explain it to a six year old, you don't understand it yourself.”―Einstein

Buckle My Shoe...

I'm finding the questions I'm asking myself the most these days are "Is there enough 'realness' here" or "Ok, that's dome the next step would be what" yet truthfully though its mostly 'You're kidding me seriously, where glasses, again? Things like that, because the more you think about what your thinking about or saying, the more realness you find.

"'what's potential without possibility, anyway?",


When 

If it's possible to look close enough at realness of the reality we inhabit what's really there? 


we find there are many realities, and possibilities of realities, and that the greatest degree of freedom there is an ability to join, move with, and then pass through the each of these variables. 


each one.

The Freedom we employ


 5to pass through is developed proportional relationship developed between the to the variables which comprise a sum total of each degree of movement we find ourselves either willing or unwilling, able or unable to commit to. 


I believe our innate capacity to be free is a radical statement, it is our willingness to be free, and any six year old can understand that, don't you think?

 movement (this 'passing through' of perspectives). In the simplest of terms our capacity to be free is equal to the s

Over the past several years, what I've most contemplated is the win-win scenario and how best to best engage, present, enhance this outcome. I was first introduced to the meta-dialog of this particular 'win-win' branding of competition by the reality tv series Project Runway–though I would hardly know it at the time. And then how could I?

There's a lot I can say (as the well as the people around me who know me best) about my relationship to this reality television program. After the last round of applying to the show in 2013 (mind you this was a program I once vowed you'd have to tie me to a chair Clockwork Orange style before I would ever watch such vile parades of ego's pomp n circumstance)––it was obvious I needed an intervention of some sort, because i had risked everything––and not to fulfill some fleshy fantasy of mine about spotlights and cheering of how wonderful the thrill of victory would be––but actually, just to make it to the next round––and there was good reason to believe I would.

On September 24th (my sisters birthday) I went to NYC via Amtrack and stood in line and waited in like to apply the next morning (Another Birthday of a dear, dear friend who has supported in me in every way) for The Open Casting Call of PR's Season 13 Redux.

Real & Ready Early Birds – Defne Husrevoglo & Mark E Merrill
September 25, 2013 

I strongly suggest anyone who shares my obsession even if your not really sure or confident about your chances that you do this at least once! A word of advice though to those of you seriously considering taking on this noble journey (and especially if that time you stood in line-all night for Bon Jovi tickets was the best night of your life) let me burst that bubble of you right now, because if you don't walk away from that experience wishing you could find the Red-Cross tents outside prepared for the emergence psychoanalytical counseling you desperately now need, you certainly are more worthy than I. But, if you decide to take that risk, you'll meet people coming from every corner of the globe––with so much passion and so much talent with so many stories of what it took for them to be where they are now... I guarantee you this if you bring with you every ounce of passion you have, and you are willing to engage with those around you, that night itself will be far more rewarding than the fact that you didn't get cast––but really, what are the odds of that actually happening? 

Yet there always will be days of strange and beautiful magic. This is Part 1 of my memory of Friday, April 23, 2010 the day after my first application to be considered as a contestant for "the program" was submitted:

Hello–Mr. Merrill? Amanda from Project Runway calling...

Me: (short silence)

Amanda: Hi, how are you doing today!

Me: (Inaudible gasp) "Ummm wow, really? I guess I must be doing pretty f**** I guess, remarkable, considering I speaking with now, yea, yup couldn't be better... that's for sure... Hi Amanda! wow

Amanda: (laughs) I'm so glad to hear that (laughs) that just made may day! 

Me: "No, really, it is wow...."

Amanda: (laughs)  I just wanted to let you know we received your application for Project Runaway today that you overnighted us, and yes, everything looks good, and there's a note here asking me to call you saying, "Forgot work samples!"

Ok, so let's look at what you have here, there's your application, I see both cds, here's your head shot, and Oh, isn't that sweet, we love pets here at PR Casting.... 

>insert incidental pet talk< 

Amanda: ...I'm sure your right, he's gonna bring you lots of luck! (Laughs) Ok, your portfolio, lets see we have sketches, lots and lots of sketches and these are... I see some additional statements written in crayon, (love it), but, yes, that's all that's here, do you think you may just have forgoten to include them?

Me: Well, (nervous laugh) that's because there aren't any, I mean there are but.. No, the show was last night and I had to mail the application and I was still working on the design, but that machine was from hell let me tell you, so yes. I didn't have them... but I've been thinking about this for a while, something said just do it... 

Amanda: I'm sorry, could you run that be me one more time?

Me: "I've only sewn one dress in my life, and that was yesterday, and there wasn't time to include any photos in my application... because the deadline was yesterday...." 

Amanda: So, let me make sure I've got this right... You didn't send us work samples because you didn't start sewing until yesterday?

Me: April 10th, 2010 actually. That was when I began sewing, up until then I had never touch

a sewing machine before, ever... but I've been designing in my head alot and I been sketching for about a year.

Amanda: And you don't have any photos of this design you did yesterday?

Me: No I have tons, it was my first show too. Not mine, but you know the first time I had a look walk the runway. I ask every one who took photos at the show they would send me copies because I was applying to the show and it was first design but I didn't want to miss the deadline so I sent them in without any.

Amanda: So you do, if gave you and e-mail could an you send them to us, today, right now?

Me: There're all uploaded on my blog I can just send you the link.

Amanda: Ok, even better here's e-mail it's <insert email address here> and remember send me that link as soon as you get this and I'm going to show this to the producers right now and someone should get back to you, right away, Ok? And if they don't call or e-mail me Ok.

Me: Of course! Yes, absolutely this is so great, because it's the reason I'm going this that's so Important, you see everyone things I'm nuts, for walking into this with no experience, but to me that's the whole reason I'm so motivated to do this... I mean––really what's at the core of fashion? Because when you begin to pull every apart.... It's the "Thought" (emphasized)... so that puts us on an equal playing field––and that means I'll be solely relying on the creativity of that moment, right then and their an not my pre-conceptions–– that means I won't have any hang-ups... OMFG this would be the best thing in the world... can you imagine... just solely relying on my creativity only to problem solve each challenge, I'm that would be my angle––to have use my creativity alone with no experience, WOW, I mean it's not just an angle, because that's what I would have to do, but WOW could you imagine––this would be my once in a lifetime opportunity to rise above everything everyone knows about fashion, to make fashion from ideas that I don't even have, that's fucking innovation. I'm telling you, and I am so ready to bring it... this is the challenge of my life I've been waiting for... but please for give me I'm rambling on 

Amanda: No that's totally Ok, just send that link to as as soon as you can, Ok?

Me: Ok!

TO BE CONTINUED